03.14.08
Well.. Sorry to neglect this lovely place, but I’ve been purging my thoughts elsewhere as of late. But.. to entertain and promote thought, a bit of Barenaked Ladies-
Nothing and less
Carrying the luggage, never resting.
Put it down, he says with a sigh.
I look over, smile, try to drop them. He continues ahead of me. I take one step.
Jerked back, i look down. They’re still there. The bags, their chains locked tight on my wrists.
I hear laughter in the background, bitter and cold. He looks back, smiling, not seeming to see. I take a tighter grip, hoping to move them more easily, and take another step.
He stops, asks if I have problems. I show him the chains, i tell him how heavy the bags are. A pat on the cheek and a reminder to put them down is my reward. He moves ahead once more, busy with his own dealings.
I move on.. slowly, laborously. Each step seemingly heavier than the one before it. My arms ache, my legs want to collapse. I don’t think I can move further. I look ahead, trying to piece him out of a crowd. Wanting him to help me, knowing he can’t. Knowing I have too much pride to ask.
There he is, laughing and smiling with a couple on a bench near the windows. He basks in the chatter, enjoying the interaction, glad to be out of the shade. Out from where I am.
Finally I stop. I turn my back, I stop following. I walk to the news stand, my steps lighter and easier. I scan the racks, trying to find something of interest in the sea of celebrity flesh and rumor. I hear my name, vaguely. I don’t turn.
I purchase a book that I’m sure isn’t on Oprah’s list, and turn. To the gate where he’s still chatting? Or back down the hallway, and out to the line of taxis?
I feel the need for fresh air- it’s stifling in here. I turn down the hallway, walking slowly at first, then one foot after another, faster and faster.
Opening the glass doors is easy without two large bags on my wrists.
01.25.08
Protected: the further dissection of a mind in turmoil
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01.24.08
Protected: pensive propensities privately plundered
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more musical meanderings
I’ve been playing a lot through my ipod lately… trying to make sense of my life, of things around me….
01.23.08
Two Years!
Yesterday was the fabled Two Year mark for my beloved partner, Zealot, and myself. I find it amazing to look back at the time and see what we’ve been through, what we’ve learned, and how we’ve grown as people. I can only wish for everyone to find those perfect moments of happiness that I’ve had with my dear Baron. 
Happy Anniversary, my Beloved-
Kirawill
musical minding
What’s dancing through kira’s head? Ask Pink…
memories through a hazy mind
“You know… I always love you, but I really really don’t like you right now.”
She turned her back as if that would shield the blows. It wasn’t the first time she heard it, nor the last. What was it this time? She had forgotten to do something on the endless list of teenage chores? She had dared try to explain why she was late home? The marks on her work weren’t good enough?
It didn’t really matter, honestly… it was the same old thing. She had tried, and she had failed… and nobody likes a failure. Even if they do have to love them. And so here she was, listening to those words once more, the badge of her flaws, the mistakes of her existence. She had heard once that if you dealt with something long enough it stopped hurting… but that seemed to be more lie than truth itself. No matter how many times it happened - and it happened more often than not - she failed, and the pain still seeped in, binding her bones together, freezing her tears before they had a chance to fall.
After being dismissed - who wants to be around someone they don’t like, after all- she made her way slowly to her room, the closest thing to a sanctuary she had. Trying to breathe, trying to make her heart slow, she curled down onto her knees and crawled into the closet, making her way between the dresser that was stowed in there and the wall. Then and only then, did she let her heart break.
01.22.08
disturbances
She gazed casually out onto the water, trying not to show the pain that was etching itself across her face, the pain that had been there for quite some time, robbing her of her normal charm and spirit. He went on talking, his voice filling her ears with poison, letting her prepare for the final blow. She waited, she cried, she watched as her thoughts fell on deaf ears… and when he signalled he was ready, she stood, trying to be brave.
He reached out and touched her chest. She winced as they penetrated, digging into her flesh, and gasped in horror as he pulled the beating heart from her chest. She fell to her knees, watching him hold her life in his hands, tears streaming down her face.
He shook his head at her, disappointed that she didn’t see his reasons for doing such a thing, and dropped the slowing muscle, turning his back and walking out to avoid having to see her sobbing over the maimed treasure.
From the hallway his voice floated in to her ears, “You really should laugh more…”